Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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