did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
