im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
