We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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