omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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