My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
