Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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