I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
