just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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