I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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