I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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