R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
