she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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