I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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