Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
