shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
