I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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