need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
