Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dicks are not precious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
