She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
