no, he came in my armpit
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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