google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
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