I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize