im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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