he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize