I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize