Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
