im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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