Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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