1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
