he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
