I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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