Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
