Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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