we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
