Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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