he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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