who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
