I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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