If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
