He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
pray to the hookup gods
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ruined the universe
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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