i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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