I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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