I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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