You smell like a Billy Joel song
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm having to shit out rocks
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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