Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
