Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
