it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
