they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize