There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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