and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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