with your own penis?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You made out with two different species that night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
