i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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