party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
