ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize