You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
