people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
