WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize