It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
