totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
