I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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