in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
