sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize